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Want to help, but not sure what to do?



Family members and friends are often the first to notice signs of postpartum depression in a new mother. It's crucial to encourage her to seek professional support if needed, and to be consistently available to assist.

To truly support a new mother, provide specific assistance rather than vague offers. For example, ask, "Would you prefer I hold the baby this afternoon while you shower, run errands, or nap? Or, should I handle the baby's laundry while you spend time with the baby?" Here are some effective ways to help:

  • Validate Her Feelings: Recognize her emotions without judgment. If she expresses feelings of overwhelm, acknowledge them and reassure her that her feelings are valid and understandable.

  • Prioritize Listening: Offer your full attention to understand her perspective. Remember, listening is about understanding, not necessarily agreeing. Hold off on giving advice unless she asks for it.

  • Recognize Her Efforts: Acknowledge her daily achievements, no matter how small. Highlight her baby's well-being as a testament to her care and mention any positive interactions she has with the baby.

  • Ensure She Doesn't Feel Isolated: Remind her that she's not alone and that you're there to support her. Sharing resources or stories about other mothers' experiences with postpartum challenges can also be comforting.

  • Facilitate Rest: Encourage her to rest or nap whenever possible. Sleep is crucial for her physical and mental recovery.

  • Offer Nutritional Support: Prepare meals for her and her family, alleviating the stress of meal planning and preparation.

  • Stay Hydrated: Make her favorite beverages to ensure she stays hydrated, which is essential for her well-being.

  • Tackle Household Chores: Proactively take on tasks like washing dishes or doing laundry to ease her daily load.

  • Maintain a Clean Environment: A tidy home can significantly improve her mood and reduce stress.

  • Provide Hands-On Baby Care: Change diapers and assist with the baby whenever possible to give her brief moments of respite.

  • Support With Older Children: If there are other children in the home, offer to engage with them, giving her time to focus on the baby or herself.

  • Compliment Her: Help boost her self-esteem by reminding her of her beauty and strength, especially when she might feel vulnerable.

  • Be Her Steadfast Support: Stay patient and understanding, even when she may be irritable or overwhelmed.

  • Offer Encouragement: Use affirming language like "You're doing great," "We'll get through this together," and "You're an amazing mother."

Offering support and stability to a new mother is crucial during her transition into motherhood, a period that can be filled with both joy and challenges. By being a reliable source of help and reassurance, you can significantly impact her experience, promoting her well-being and the well-being of her baby. Your consistent presence, understanding, and practical assistance can alleviate stress, foster confidence, and nurture a positive environment for both mother and child, paving the way for a healthier and happier start to this new chapter in their lives.


When a mother confides in you, it's essential to approach her with compassion and empathy, recognizing the courage it takes for her to express her feelings. Here are the supportive behaviors you should aim for:

  • Empathize, Don't Minimize: Acknowledge her feelings without diminishing them. Understand that her emotions are valid, and what she needs is support, not dismissal.

  • Provide a Judgment-Free Zone: Ensure she knows that she can express her thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. Creating a safe space for her to share is crucial.

  • Maintain Patience and Understanding: Recognize that she might not always seem like herself due to the exhaustion and stress she's experiencing. Respond with kindness and understanding, even if she expresses herself strongly.

  • Discourage Harmful Coping Mechanisms: Gently steer her away from using alcohol or drugs as coping mechanisms. Encourage healthy ways to manage her stress and emotions.

  • Be Present: Avoidance can exacerbate her feelings of isolation. Make an effort to be there for her, showing that she is not alone in her journey.

  • Encourage Seeking Help: Remind her that it's okay to seek professional help and that doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness. Offer to assist her in finding the support she needs.

  • Offer Reassurance, Not Judgment: Reinforce that experiencing these challenges does not make her weak or a burden. Everyone's experience of motherhood is unique, and she deserves support and understanding.

  • Provide Support, Not Directives: Offer help and suggestions when asked, but avoid dictating what she should do. Empower her by respecting her autonomy and decisions.

  • Avoid Unhelpful Comparisons: Each mother's experience is distinct, and comparing her situation to others' can feel dismissive and invalidating. Celebrate her individual journey without making comparisons.

By adhering to these guidelines, you help create a supportive environment that acknowledges her struggles, validates her feelings, and reinforces her strength and resilience during this pivotal time.


Supporting a new mother is a profoundly impactful role, imbued with its own set of challenges and rewards. As the main support person, your well-being is crucial, not just for yourself but also for the effectiveness of your support. It's essential to maintain a balance where you're not only a pillar of support for the new mother but also ensuring your own health and happiness.

Creating a robust support network for yourself is vital. Engage with friends, family, or groups who understand your role's demands, offering an outlet to share experiences and gain insights. Self-care isn't an indulgence; it's a necessity. Prioritizing your well-being helps you stay resilient and effective in your supportive role. Regular self-reflection can guide you in maintaining this balance. Consider these questions:

  • Trusted Confidantes: Do you have a friend, family member, or professional you can openly talk to, sharing your feelings and seeking advice?

  • Adequate Breaks: Are you carving out time to step back and rejuvenate? Breaks are essential to prevent burnout and maintain your overall well-being.

  • Relaxation and Fun: Have you integrated activities into your routine that bring you joy and relaxation? Whether it's a hobby, exercise, or simply quiet time, these activities are crucial for mental health.

  • Physical Activity: Regular exercise can significantly boost your mood and energy levels, helping you cope with stress more effectively.

  • Nutritious Diet: Are you eating well-balanced meals that provide the nutrients needed to sustain your energy and health?

  • Sufficient Sleep: Quality sleep is foundational to your ability to provide support. It affects your mood, energy, and overall health.

Remember, taking care of yourself isn't just beneficial for you; it enhances your ability to be a steady, compassionate, and effective support for the new mother. Your well-being is a vital component of the support system, enabling you to be present and attentive to her needs while maintaining your own health and happiness.

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